Friday, January 12, 2007

The Sadness of SL

In my previous post, I wrote about the break up with my inworld partner. I wrote it when I was a bit angry, but I want to post now a little more about my thoughts on inworld relationships.

The truth is, Desi really cared about, and loved, her inworld husband. She found him to be warm and funny and kind and gentle. While, at first, he was a good ally to have, he became much more than that to her. But, she couldn't be what he needed her to be, and that made her feel bad. Even worse, it made her creator feel terrible.

In saying she didn't expect or need this kind of relationship, she didn't mean this as a slam against him. She was speaking of her own heart. She hadn't expected to get so immersed in the emotions of this game, as she is not generally this way in RL. She enjoyed his inoworld company very much, and she misses his company now. He was there when all the world was foreign to her. He was her comfort; he was her best friend. Desi will always love him, and she wishes, even now, to just sit and talk to him.

The abruptnesss of SL divorces is daunting. It happens so quickly, and there is no time to talk or create a resolution. She would have liked to sit down with him to talk about his feelings. But, there is a line that becomes fuzzy between Desi and Beth, and she isn't sure she can differentiate the lines.

So, SL romance is a bad idea.


Ian Graham said...

I dissagree with your conclusion that SL Romance is a bad idea.

When I first started visiting SL, I was amused at the number of wedding and romance related things inworld. I am a long time user of web communications, and nothing like it had confronted me.

Like you - I was totaly taken by surprise by the emotions of this game. I found myself dusting off emotions and feelings that were so crusty and unused I had long since put them into the attic of my past.

Day by day, I grew closer and closer to the soul mate I found there. We understood each other, we communicated and shared more than I ever dreamed possible. We walked the beaches of SL, and explored the world together. It was glorious.

As it did with you - the end came abruptly. In our case, a move by my partner to and area without broadband cut us appart brutally. Suddenly - I was Puff, without his friend. I got to experience that body blow full force. And even now - months later - it still stings more than I like to admit.

But our pain is not proof that SL romance is a bad idea. It is the opposite.
HH the Dalai Lama is quoted as saying "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace."

What is unrealistic is to expect a virtual romance to be able to last. I am ritcher now for what I went through. I have taken the leasson and applied it to my RL relationship. I treasure anew my fellings, and my time with my RL loved ones.

I think the lesson is that we are emotional social creatures. We are stronger together, and we enrich each other. Like everything else in SL the environment concentrates that - and accelerates the social process.

It is safer and more comfortable to close down your emotions and to refuse to share with others. Protected by a thick skin and tough outer shell - you can move like a sleep walker through a gray world of padded safety.

I think allowing love and color in you life, whereever they come from is the better answer. Will I find what I had and lost in SL again? Perhaps. Perhaps not. If I do, it will come when I least expect it. And I hope it comes for you again soon.

Eloise said...

I too would disagree that it's automatically a bad idea. Doesn't "It's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all" still have a place?

I don't know what your RL entanglements and committments are, but romance in SL can be and usually is just as real as romance in RL - the people getting involved are still people after all - and should be entered into with the same degree of attention you'd give to someone in RL.